U is for Uncomfortably numb

Ah, there’s nothing like the discomfort of a church pew on a Sunday morning.

I’m kidding.
Sort of.
But most of you probably know what I’m talking about.

Why is the most uncomfortable place to sit the same place the I’m supposed to sit the stillest?

Sometimes that boney spot on your back that sits pressed against the wooden pew goes numb and you can’t do a thing about it. If you move, the people behind you can see you. If you stretch, the people behind you can see you. If you look over at your kids and give the “stop pinching each other and listen” look, the people behind you will see you. And I don’t want to be a distraction to the people who were unfortunate enough to sit behind the chick with a boney spine and pinching kids.

I’ve tried a few casual moves to temporarily relieve the numbing pain of the church pew.

The Arm Around – This is the move where you place your arm on the back of the pew and rest it to allow our spine to shift slightly to the side so it’s no longer digging into the wood. I always feel too manly when I do this. So it doesn’t work for too long before I have to move so I don’t feel like a dude.

The Lean and Head Bow – This is when you lean forward and rest your elbows on your knees and bow your head. Obviously, this is only used during prayer. Used any other time could be mistaken for sleeping; no bueno.

The Spousal Slump – This move is practiced when your spouse is doing The Arm Around. Casually slump into The Arm Around because when you’re leaning on them, it relieves the pressure that’s on your back. This is mainly for the ladies, since I don’t know many men who are going to slump over into their wife’s arms during a church service. But for the guys who do, rock on with your bad self.

Since none of these do much to alleviate the problem of uncomfortable pews, I’m considering bringing a sports cushion to Sunday morning service. We could get them embroidered with “Team FBCWC” so they’d be church appropriate.

________________________________
I’m participating in the Blogging From A to Z Challenge April 2012. Go check it out–you may find a new favorite blog!

Happy Blogging,

Adrian

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